Well here it is, an austere debut brought to you by
anger, obsession and everything i’ve been going through. And i’m adding on to softspot. Becoming familiar with all the gut rot, and the guilt, and times when happiness is the only thing i feel. I’ve given all that i can give these past few months that I’ve been writing these songs down, but i’m not giving up. I’ll put my foot down on the gas pedal and my eyes fixed on the road, ‘til I can make it to the show and yell until i’ve completely thrown out my throat. Because i can see the world in front of me knowing which part of it i want to be. My hopes and dreams aren’t complicated, though it seems i’m not a part of this world sometimes…
Track Name: Worlds
I’ve been looking for opinion while holding everything in. I just want the answers without the world knowing what’s making me sick. And my friends advise against the things I love. I’m trying so hard not to close them off. And I’ve been looking for the answers in the songs I sing in my car, but no matter how loud I yell, the answers never show themselves. I guess it’s been a long four years that I’m still trying to shake off. I’ve learned a lot from love and loss and the thought of never being good enough for anyone but myself and that’s all I can ask for now. I’m turning off the world tonight need a change of plans. I need a way to fight back. I need to take my inconsistencies and trade them in for something more concrete. As I move along, I’m leaving people in the past. The ones who hurt me most, are now bad memories I once had. It’s like a total reversal of my brain and my heart. And every let down that I’ve gotten’s all that’s keeping me inspired. And I can’t help but feel the pain I feel’s not real. I’ll pass the time, i’m better off, shutting all it out, then giving up. I’m turning off the world tonight. I’m making progress. I’m fighting back from feeling hopeless. I’m turning off the world. I’ll take my inconsistencies I’ll trade them in for something more concrete. I’m holding everything in. I’ll find comfort in the silence, and answers when I go to sleep. I’m not stubborn, I’m just sick of being known as a nervous wreck. I can’t hold back anymore.
Track Name: Revolving
I’ve put my heart into all I do, and bring it with me where i need to. And if home is where the heart is, then I guess mine’s in the soles of my shoes. I’m keeping my head looking forward, while my heart trudges on these grounds. I’m well aware of all I’m sure of, and leave indecisiveness where it was found. I’m just a boy trying to be a man who’s breaking down a lot less, and breaking out as much as I can, so keep the hard times coming. And I think I’m going crazy. You’re casting stones ‘til I’m pushing daisies and I don’t want a part of this foundation anymore. Because I know I’m going crazy. I’ve lost touch with sanity lately. My head’s a mess and I’m not sure I’m fond of anything anymore. I’m just trying to find a reason to love a world that will revolve with or without us. And tonight’s the kind of night where Matt and I will take a drive and talk about what’s been eating me alive. And I’ll probably be alright with TacoBell and music we like. At least I’m still alive.
Track Name: Life's A Shame
I’ve grown restless from the thought of falling asleep. I just keep thinking, sweating through my sheets, about where in life I’m going, or the things that I have seen. I’m just so god damn indecisive over the simplest of things. And I’ve got less blood in my veins than on the knuckles of my fist. Lashing out at bedroom walls, I keep obsessing on the little shit. I’m never growing up if I stay like this. Someone once told me, “your views on life are about to change. Your dreams are your perception until reality kicks in”, but I keep telling them, “You must not know me very well if reality’s my sanity, than my life’s a living hell.” And now I’m screaming out, “I’d rather make my own mistakes than regret the choices others make for me.” It’s been a long four years that’s left my body feeling numb. I’ve worn my heart out pretty well, but can’t get over feeling young.
Track Name: Deducting Qualities
I’ve been looking at photos from last year and comprising notes on the way I used to be. And I stared as the list filled up ‘til I compared it to my recent self. As I went along, I was deducting qualities. I was deducting. And I shut away, all the changes that I made, until I was just the old me, I can’t believe who I used to be. And I shut away all the changes that I made, but after deducting qualities, I think I like the new me. And promise me you won’t stop changing, and loving me is always different, every day you feel it in your veins. And I promise you I won’t stop changing. I do it just to keep you guessing. Remember how I’d always write ‘til my pen dry. I promise you not everything has changed. I shut away all the changes that I made. I lead a different life each and every night because leading a different life is what’s keeping me alive.
Track Name: Concrete Planet
These cold days make my knees start to shake, because I know that winter’s coming, and I can’t ever catch a break. It’s like I can’t live past the memories of the things that happened to a younger me. And as they pile up, I’m losing sleep, I’m losing touch. I just want the past to stay still and for me to move on. And for the longest time I wanted problems I could fix just to overcome them because I needed a win. But even a premeditated victory is asking way too much of my sanity. And I dug a grave when I was feeling weak but revisited that hole and filled it with concrete because I’m not on the ground quite yet. I’ve got high hopes for the life that I live. I write my name in the wet cement, saying thank you for the hope, but I’m much better where I am. We all know I’m getting through this year. And it’s everything that makes me feel weak, like my lack of self-esteem, or the reminder of mistakes I’ve made. But I’m playing music, and I have no doubt that all I want’s to make a life of letting my emotions out. I could take my car and drive it off a bridge, and the only thing that’s been stopping me is the slightest will to live. I’d rather stay asleep then live in regret. I’d rather remember all my flaws then ever have the chance to forget that I dug a grave, when I was feeling weak, just to revisit it and fill it with concrete. Because I’m not on the ground quite yet. We all know I’m getting through this fucking year.
Track Name: Alright
I’m feeling fine for the very first time in a very long time. I’ll be alright. Well, my heart’s tried to apprehend every thought before it’s expelled from my head because I keep throwing words in opposition to my intent. I want to win this so badly, but heavy hearts tend to carry the guilt, and right now I’m weighed down. I’ll try to liberate my own mental state by standing on a stage and screaming till I’m finally free. And it’s all the shit we say about our future plans for when we ditch this place. But right now, we’ve got time to spare. And then we talk about falling in love, and how she fucked me up, although I know it’s all my fault. I still can’t believe not more of you is found within these songs. But I’ll continue to live how I live, until living kills me off or leaves me with empty promises, but I’m sure that’s not happening. And it’s these drives in my car that can only get me so far, ‘til I’m low on gas, and need to find a place to sleep. And you better believe that I’m never growing up until I find a world to love or I’m done turning this one off, but for now, you bet I’m sleeping on my best friend’s floor. I’m feeling fine.
Track Name: A Subtle Goodbye
I’ve been so beaten down with the way the worlds been spinning that I just blame myself, finding all the ways I can be a better person. It’s like all I have are the words I set aside to align within these songs, filling every notepad with the scratch built from too much time that’s spent alone. Another day, I’m waiting for all of these songs to save me. These past few months, they add up to this. I’ve been left with this feeling that my emotions contradict me, because I’m happy, then I’m angry, and then I can’t fall asleep. Holding onto the things I love and letting go of all the things I’m unsure of because the world can revolve without me when I’m gone I’m still moving on. I guess I just feel so different. I tend to blame it on this lack of experience. Fix my fucked up head and I can move along. And that’s why I live so uneasy, for fear that everyone around me will see me as I am, and never how I’m gonna be eventually. Holding onto things I love, and letting go of things (I’m) unsure of.